It has been 6 months since I last held your hand and told you one last time that everything will be ok and to sleep now. I will never understand why this happened. You fought so hard and endured so much during those 16 weeks, I don't think I will ever forgive myself for allowing that to happen to you, I always had hope that we would get through it somehow - why not other people do! We were meant to grow old together, watch Michael grow from a baby to a man and have more mini Andy's in a house full of love, fun and laughter, but that was not to be. I don't know how I will ever explain everything to Michael, I'm just hoping that when the questions come I will know what to do and say. I talk about you to Michael everyday, silly things really - your white vests, daft sayings, high pitch singing and relentless tapping!! I am scared that these silly things that made you you and us us will be lost within the grief and forgotten. I miss you everyday and think about you all day, sometimes with a smile but mainly with a tear. I still expect you to walk through the door and call me sweet cheeks or lemon pie or miss beautiful tulip (depending on what film we had seen recently) and ask how spud is. Michael keeps picking up photo's of you and says 'Daddy' he knows you are missing from our little unit but of course he doesn't understand why, don't think any of us do. I took you to our special place in Cornwall for your 30th Birthday, I will come back another time with that one, still too raw. Love you and miss you my Darling. x